How the hell do people do it all?

Ahh the holidays

So we have had just an amazing Christmas with the boy!! He was so in the spirit of things and got very much into the present giving and receiving! At the end of the night whilst being put to bed he started to run up to the exposed chimney in his room crying "chimney, Chimney.." as is usual, but this time there was a pause, a point at the chimney and then he said "Santa came"...these kids really can blow you away sometimes can't they with their levels of understanding. We have all had varying bouts of sickness over the course of the holidays which seems to be doing its rounds in our area, but it hasn't spolit a thing as we are all enjoying cosying up to the fire and just hanging out together. I am also enjoying the hubby being around for the boy and have utilised his presence by spending a whole day in the sewing room yesterday - where I finally started and finished the little boy's curtains. I am so pleased with them as a first effort of printing and curtain sewing and the boy is rewarding me by saying "pretty" a lot and "robot"!! Well time to go, pour the wine and enjoy some Coronation St while the boys are doing bath -ahhhhh the luxury of it all.

Bandana Stockings!!

I am in the middle of finishing off Christmas Gifts, buying Christmas gifts and desperately trying to think of some Christmas Gifts (sorry hubby you are the latter!!). My sewing machine broke this evening and I am so proud of myself for managing to fix it!! I can finish off the last projects - maybe - I have in the meantime co-drunk a couple of bottles of plonk and probably shouldn't even be writing this! We have just finished watching 4 Christmases - which was so much better than I was expecting (I am always dubious of the Vince Vaugn) - hubby is now snuggled up with "The Hangover" which he has been dying to watch!!

I wanted to share with you a very cool find!! Bandanas!! There are craft stores with some very cool colours and I have just finished a christmas stocking for the little guys buddy!! It is finished with a camoflage contrast - what little man (or big man) would not want one of these! You can also see here the wide range of colours available and they are only 97c a piece - you need at least 2 pieces to make a stocking abt this size. I have plans to turn the other stash into some decorative flags - but they will have to wait until 2010.

Were those the first flakes of Winter??

Today I think I felt the first flakes of winter!! We live in BC on Vancouver Island and my understanding of winter over here was all daffodils and people playing golf! That is a winter I have yet to see - the 1st one we had here it rained non-stop from Nov through to March (my husband works outside so I got the record breaking stats daily) the 3 since have snowed. I have experienced quite the range of snow from the Northern Ontario, 8ft, nonsense snow to UK snow, where 1cm brings down whole railtrack and motorway systems. I guess if I were Goldilocks BC would be just right - enough to have fun, but not enough to send me crazy. It is also a bonus that we do not "have" to be anywhere - my husband can't work and I was either in walking distance of work or home with bambino, so we would actually just snuggle in with the fire or bundle up and enjoy the quiet outside. I like that things do slow down a little when we get the first snow fall - in Ontario it is amazingly business as usual, whereas here the roads are so much quieter and seem to be reminiscent of older times.

So today, even though I think I felt flakes, it has been a lot warmer outside. The boy and I spent a lot of the morning in the garden - me stacking wood, him unstacking the wood. I was luckily faster than him and did make some progress. I really like to do these sorts of jobs as I do spend too much time indoors and that does make me feel sluggish. When I came in today I felt far more energized than I have in a long time and look the boy has a nap - win, win.

Well I am going to go and see if I can make any more progress on the poor boys curtains that I have been promising. I leave you with a picture of warm things - these rather cute mittens are ones that I bought my wee boy last week at a really great craft fair where things were so reasonably priced (these were $3 - how could you not). I think in the New Year I will post some pictures of some of the cool things I found this year at the fairs - but I need to keep them underwraps at the mo!! Wooly is watching - smile XX

Craft Night !!

So Wooly woman and I got together yesterday to make some wreaths. We managed to do this last year (my first wreath making experience) and maybe it will be a little tradition of ours (wooly don't groan) as although we are both rather reluctant at the beginning (I don't want to make effing wreaths - I think was the quote)it does help stir the Christmas feelings along with the Baileys coffees and Amaretto shots! We originally met some 4 years ago at a very sorry local Christmas Fair where we both had stalls - she selling her wonderful handspun and hand-dyed wool, me selling my little tea cosies. It was such a painful time for us sales wise, but so worth going to have met such a great, great friend. Who knew all that time ago that we lived just over the road from eachother and would go through pregnancy, birth and the raising of our boys all at the same time! I have no idea where I would be without her dry wit, support and general willingness to let me speed dial her number far too regularly with my neurosis of the day. So here's to friends - this Christmas - let me raise my Christmas "special" coffee and toast you !! XX

What do you mean "No"......

Okay so I am having a few problems of compliance with the little man - already at one and a half years old. It is all to do with me forcing him to say he loves his mummy! Yes..i am a needy, lady and so I do expect my offspring to tell me how much he loves me daily..but he just will not comply! It all started yesterday when I casually asked him if he loved his mummy and without hesitation he shrugged his shoulders, shook his head and said .. "No". Well we laughed and asked him again ...do you love your mummy ? Again a shoulder shrug, a shake of the head and a very definite "No". So this was early days - he is parroting everything I say at the mo so I tried to trick him "Love Mummy...Love Mummy", but instead of repeating "Love Mummy" as I expected .. he said "NO' instead. Now this was starting to worry me ..."Do you love your Daddy"..reply "Love Daddy"....and do you love your Mummy?" again "No". Arghhhh!! So this morning we were talking about the word yes...."yes, you like your toast"..reply "yes" nod of head, "yes you like Dylan" (our dog)..big nod "yes"..."yes you love your mummy"...pause...."No" head slyly shakes!! Well little monkey you may not be admitting that you love your mummy, but I know you do - I don't need to hear the words. You resting your head in the crook of my neck in the dark of night with sighs of relief when something has woken you and made you cry, from your calling my name when you first wake in the morning "mummy, mummy, mummy" to last thing at night when we tell you it's bedtime. Your actions are speaking louder than any words...you can't fool me ...you sooooo love your mummy no matter how cool you try to be!

Confessions

I have eaten nearly all the chocolate candies I made at the weekend that were supposed to be Christmas Gifts for people. I feel very sick .... and very fat!!

Fr..fr...fr...freezing!!

Hey all it feels soooo very cold today!! We have the woodstove on all day and it still doesn't seem to get warm in here (usually it is tropicana heat). I guess that is the joys of having an older home with little to no insulation. Well I managed to have some time in my sewing room this morning and have finished off my Xmas gifts of the fabric buckets. The big boy looked after the little boy and they had lots of fun together - these little spurts of the big boy having time off are so lovely - I seriously think the government should look into supporting the men having time off too with the kids - this feels so normal having the two parents home. I also find myself so much more productive when I have people around the house - I think I am a personality who needs the energy of others around me - I kinda feed off it!! Anyway here are some pictures of todays production - I know I need to learn how to dress up the photos - but I can't be bothered. It is frightening though how much dirt and mess these photos have shown me (God bless the crop picture tool!!)

I just need to .....

Is it just us or does anyone else have the "I just need to" argument in their home. What happens is hubby will come home from work or have some unexpected time off - or a weekend free and I'll think - yippeeeeee - I should get a chance to finish off that sewing project, practise some printing, catch up on the housework ....but before I can sway into dream land of stuff that I might achieve I hear those fateful words.."I've just got to"! I've just got to build a fence, pop to Home Hardware, clear up the garage, wash the car, build another fence, organise the wood etc etc. It is hard to sound pissy when the poor guy isn't exactly off to the strip clubs or down the pub with his mates..everything he does we really do need..but suddenly there are all these chores he "just needs to" do and I'm again looking after monster (whom I love dearly), but also whom I do get to share an awful lot of time with already. I get slightly anxious when I hear that phrase because I then feel under this pressure to butt in with 3 things that I might need to do - I make them up on the spot ..."ummmm well errr ..I need to mop the floors, take the dog out and ummmm take back some library books"..just to feel like I have managed to corner a little time too! Anyway we had the "discussion" this evening about this issue and I think we both feel a little better - sometimes it is good to just vent when you are both feeling pressure from different sides. Hearing me whinge abt not getting enough time to start my sewing stuff actually made me get off my bum this evening and make something. I have found these rather cool looking fabric buckets - they are very easy to make and ideal Christmas gifts!

http://pippijoe.blogspot.com/2008/05/enough-of-all-containers-this-is-last.html


I'll post the pictures tomorrow of the ones I made once I have finished the second one (I know a whole set). The best thing abt being productive like this is I feel so much better abt stuff and it keeps me away from the rumballs and chocolate slabs wooly woman and I made on Sunday (I have eaten lots wooly are you being good?)!! Well time for bed now .."I just need to .......go to sleep" Ahhhhhhhhh!!

I thought I said I wasn't going to do Christmas!! Bah humbug!

My ideal Christmas would be to NOT have any presents! I think I would enjoy the build-up so much more if I didn't feel so obligated to get people gifts. Isn't it awful to feel so pressured into something like that - you start to use those fateful words like I "have to get" and "should get" none of this sounds much like the spirit of Christmas to me. I have just gone out with the little man (who I might add behaved amazingly!!) to get some dear family members some gifts and managed to spend $200 just like that! I am budgeting, budgeting all aspects of my life and then the pressure of Christmas and post deadlines loom and bang bye, bye $200!! It is not that I don't love my family - but why doesn't it feel like an act of love when you are darting around the shops slightly hysterically singing to your babe - "just one more to get"..."that's 3 down, 2 to go". That surely isn't the message of Christmas!! I used to work in a store before bambino was born and Christmas was such a scary time!! I have never seen so many harrassed, rude, desperate people in all my life...it's like an extended trip to Seaworld in the baking sun - no-one is having any fun, especially not Salty!

So what are you all doing for Christmas this year? Wooly Woman and I are embarking on the candy making production line - rumballs, white chocolate and cranberry pieces and a fudge thing. She also made some very dangerously tasty homemade Baileys - which says it lasts 2 months, but we think they were being ironic because who keeps Baileys for longer than a weekend? Only my parents me thinks who had that one bottle going for years along with the small case of babycham. As for gifts well I am going to be good and shop locally - ha except for my UK peeps who will get online from Marks and Spencers. We are going to have some friends up for Xmas dinner and I am really looking forward to catching up with my hubby who has been working just so hard recently that we just say "see you Christmas" (I hope he means this Christmas). The little boy - I really don't want to do the crazy gifts thing for him - he is so happy with any tat I lie around the house - why worry abt big gifts and stuff at this age - I'm sure the age will come for expensive stuff so I WILL NOT FEEL ANY GUILT. I WILL NOT FEEL ANY GUILT. Repeat repeat!!

Bye to all - hope you all find some Christmas cheer in this scary time - Wooly Woman when are you bringing "mummy's special coffee" over?

Random thoughts!!

So the sun has been here for 3 days now - Hooray, hooray!! It is so much easier to be happy go lucky mum when the sky is blue and the sun is out. The monster and I have been out in the garden stocking up our wood pile and cutting back the dead or out of control bushes. I am not a gardener, but might develop into one as this is one job that I can do pretty easily with the boy around - he is so happy picking up rocks, playing in the mud and throwing sticks for and at the dog that I manage to accomplish something and he doesn't get me nagging him all morning for things he shouldn't be touching, banging, climbing etc etc - a lovely break for both of us. We also managed to take the dog for a great walk and toddler ambled along very happily - you could see the cobwebs flying out of all of our brains I think. The bonus to all this great outdoors - is a nap!! The little one managed to come home and sleep for 2 hours after his lunch and Mum got to do Mum things!! We are happy and at one!

The weird thing abt those happy, perfect days is then I get that stupid voice in my head that thinks I could do this again! I know, I know!! There has been a nagging of maybe having another little monster - I can't believe I would entertain such a thought, because I certainly did not breeze through the first year of this little monkey man - but hey - we'll see I guess. One more disrupted nights sleep or another poop in the bath and I'm sure I'll come to my senses!

Well have to go - so soon I know, but this morning was a morning of bringing monster to the hairdressers with me so he is soooo not going to nap for me after that sad affair of an outing.

To Nan!

My Nan was not the warm sort!! She was pretty tight lipped, very catholic, never wore trousers, died her hair black, learnt to drive at 83, helped the "old" folks, wore court heels on steep cobble stone roads and was notorious for her lethal sherry trifle. She lived until she was 91 - the last year was painful to see and we were blessed that it was only a year. She lost her only child (my dad) and her husband within the space of a month in her seventies, but she still managed to do, believe and dream (more than I can say for us!). We were never close my nan and I. I wasn't the first grandchild and was too scruffy. We didn't argue or anything, but we didn't really talk abt anything either - she didn't understand my world and I didn't understand hers! I never thought she would die though - she was just so STRONG!! When we got the call from the hospital Nov 13th 2002 that Nan had died - I fell apart. She was the last tie to my family when we were all happy, when everyone was alive and we were "normal". My husband and I ended up living in my nans house for the year before we left for Canada and we slowly sorted and emptied the large 3 storey building for sale. It was the most consoling thing I have ever done - it really made me feel close to my childhood and all that I had bottled away under "too painful". From my share of the sale of that house I managed to put a deposit down on the house I now live in here in Canada and I also brought 4 special, special items. One large red pig piggy bank, one brass bell, one russian doll and one ceramic buddha. I never realised how grounding and special these simple items would be for me in this foreign country that I now live. It is so important for me to have those items in my home for me to remember who I am and where I came from. So yesterday when the little monkey and I were playing with the bell and the russian doll (no way is monster hands getting hold of the ceramic pig or, buddha) during a very wet, windy november day I felt so connected and filled with happiness. Nan you have had the biggest effect on me - it is so strange that I never realised your greatness while you were alive, but I feel you so strongly now and thank you for your life!

Uh Oh!!

I cannot believe how often my little man will use the turn of phrase UH OH!! He uses it in correct context - he drops something, irritating context - I drop something and complete misuse - he purposely pours his dinner over his head. UH OH, UH OH, UH OH, when I had dropped his snack while trying to pass it to him from the passenger seat of the car we had the UH OH song for a full 40 mins. Wouldn't it be great if we could use this wonderful turn of phrase in our little adult worlds: surgeons, paramedics, judges, prime ministers, politicians, news anchors, pilots, midwives, all facing the minor to major catastrophes head on and saying....UH OH!!

Childs Play

Well yesterday was a gong show!! The little monster and I played this great new game called "how many things can I touch, bang, drag, bash, climb, break, turn on, turn off, thump, bend, eat, drink, put up my nose, wave dangerously in the air and scream about" (pls note the title is a working progress). It turns out that my little man is an absolute natural at this game and I suck!! We ended the days tournament with him waving the trophy fire poker exuberantly in the air, while I collapsed in my chair and sobbed like a baby (I have never been a good loser!). I honestly have no idea what was going on that day, but he managed to dig up so many highly dangerous items from thin air! I was so glad when hubby walked in when he did because the only thing we didn't have was the flame throwing finale I'm sure (hubby did not seem so relieved to come home at that point - you know men and crying!!) Anyway I had to question a friends mother today on telling signs of hyperactivity - obviously the man was behaving like an absolute angel - busy - yes, but without the tiny head of horns and wild red eyes that I saw the day before. I wonder how fine that line is btwn spirited and Ritalin.

Crafty Cock up!!

Meet Mr Robot! This is my first attempt at cutting a block for fabric printing. The only problem was after all my hard work on a late Halloween night, the goblins and ghouls were working their evil magic!!


















I decapitated him!!















This is (was) going to be used for a print for my little boy's new room. We have been renovating upstairs and finally moved up there last week. It is soooo beautiful and grown up - we have carpet and everything. The little monkey will lay down on the floor at odd moments with his head on the carpet and say "NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCCCCEEEEEEE". I love hardwood floors, but there is something so very cosy abt carpet in the bedrooms! My plan is to make a little robot curtain, bedding set with a natural hemp/cotton fabric and red robots - I guess it is back to the drawing board for this sample, but I'll get there. I am so excited at the prospect of printing my own fabrics! I'll keep you posted - for my next craft cock up as that seems to be my learning curve!!

Coming soon Sergers .... how to break your needle plate the first day!!

So you think you can dance!

Today I heard a song by No Doubt while I was washing the dishes and a flood of memories of another person came to me - me - years and years and many lifetimes ago - out dancing!! Drunk - most definitely - drunk and dancing. I thought to myself I am just so tired of thinking and worrying all the time. Swine flu, money, spending, house renos, house having some disastrous incident, any member of my family having some disastrous incident. The right teachings, the right foods, the right things to say, the right ways to be, the right things to think?!? I am sick of hearing, seeing, saying, thinking the words eco, green, environmentally friendly, pandemic, economic downturn, economic climate, death tolls, paedophile, insurance, crackheads, junkies, rapist, murder, complex carbohydrates, trans fats, sugars, use your words, snack, potty training, cloth diapers, ......you get the picture. When did I get so worrisome and serious. I find it so hard to relax and have fun these days....it was nice to remember another me and a little bit sad. I think I need to start dancing.

For all my friends who have had and are having babies after me!

I had a little facebook message from an old school friend today saying how she had "joined the motherhood group at last!". I replied straight away saying how gorgeous her baby was, wishing her well and welcoming her to our gang! That was all I said, but there was so much more I wanted to say, so much that there was to say - but we just don't do we? We keep it all in - we smile, we goo, we say all the right things (yes you've nearly lost all the weight already, oh wow you are glowing, you are such a good mum etc etc). How does that leave the new mum? All aglow?? I really don't know - all our experiences are so different, but I do sometimes wonder are they really THAT different. In the quiet, sleepless, dark are a lot of us having exactly the same feelings, but just not able to openly talk abt them with anyone? I remember those dark days still - enough to see newborn pictures and feel a sense of relief (that I am not there anymore) and fear that I might be silly enough to do it all again. I remember being on the brink of something scary many, many times. The baby howling, and me howling too...real UGLY crying. The baby howling and me having bad thoughts of ways to stop the crying, me slowly putting the baby down for his own safety. You think that situations like that only happen for very, very ill people..post natal depression ..not me, but in all honesty with as little sleep as us mums get ...who isn't depressed? We still function (just)..we can still socialise...we look like great mums..but some days, some days. So it is for those days new mums that I offer you the best, best talk I had with a passing friend. Someone I didn't know very well at all was coming round for a quick visit to see the baby and catch up. Baby was 6 months and during that time I had, had no more that 2 hours max sleep at any one sitting. My boy was waking up at least every 2 hours for a feed and slept very poorly during the day. I had great friends, but no family who could come and just take him for a few hours..hubby was working 7 days a week and I was beat. My friend took one look at me and said these saving words ...."Oh honey it sucks doesn't it". You do not know how grateful I was to hear those words!! Thank GOD!! I thought I was supposed to be in motherhood heaven..I thought these were the best times..someone had even told me that all babies did was eat and sleep and that it was a bit boring really, a bit boring!! I wished!! My friend then relayed tales of all the best mothers she knew and told me how many times the kids were shipped to the families, daycare or what anti-depressants they were on!! I felt so much better. I could handle the crap times if everyone else found them crap - it was just the idea that I was supposed to be loving the torture that had got me in such a spin. So welcome dear friend to the motherhood group - I'm so sorry I didn't tell you this in my mail, but rest assured YES it can Suck..and that's ok!!

Body Image Issues - Moi???

OK I am a little addicted to facebook, I admit it! I am a stay at home mum who hops around the computer daily in the sorry, sad hope that someone might have written to me or has some good gossip for me to tut over. What I don't like abt my facebook is that I have turned into one of those saddo mums who has to have their child in the profile picture. I no longer have my own identity - my identity is linked wholly and completely to my son. There is still hope for me, I draw the line at mums who put their baby's name on the answerphone message as soon as the baby is born. I'll go to phone a friend and am suddenly faced with listening to the overannoying "mum/kids presenter loud voice" of HIIIIIIIIIIIIIII you've reached Sally, Ben, Damien, Nova and Orca..WE CAN'T COME TO THE PHONE RIGHT NOW BUT.........BLAH, BLAH, BLAH..phone slammed down. I even just got a mail from a friend who has listed all the family's names in the e-mail address - just stop it!! Yet I do hold my hands up and openly admit that for my facebook, profile picture I will find the damn cutest photo I can of the boy - with my head only just popping out the side of him. My reasoning isn't just overt pride, but more the fact that I like to hide behind him because I look so "mumsie". It is more - yeah I know I look like crap, but look at my boy - isn't he gorgeous - I made that!! or Yeah I know I look like crap, BUT I HAD A KID .....it's not really because I eat cake all day and meals between meals.

The Pecking Order of Home

I have started to think abt the changes in dynamics of my home since hubby and I moved to our beautiful blue house 4 years ago. The first night we stayed, we had a futon by the open fireplace and that was pretty much it! We bought takeout, had a bottle of wine and just enjoyed being in our new home with all its possibilities. Our first baby came to us that night - a little cat - missing her tail and mewing to come in. She was the previous owners second cat and when we told them that we had her, we also found out that this little cat was off to the rescue if a home couldn't be found. We kept her in with us that night and while she purred so contendedly on my lap I said to hubby "If we were to keep this cat......" .. he looked at me, looked at us and said ...."What do you mean IF". He knew me too well, it was a done deal then and there. Our first baby of the family came and we loved her with all our might. Then we went and did a terrible, terrible thing. We went and bought a puppy. A big puppy, with big bouncy paws and sharp bitey teeth. The cat was not impressed and we were too busy with our bouncy, bitey baby to notice. We moved the poor cats food around the house daily, trying to protect it from the bouncy one. We moved her toilet daily too to try and protect it from the disgusting, bouncy one. She hid all day, but then at night, when it was really quiet ..she would creep into our room, jump on the bed and nuzzle up with us. That brute might have us all day, but she would get us all to herself at night. Then strange things were happening...someone was getting very fat....so fat that she might pop and then one spring day pop....and the screamy, screamy one was home. They didn't have any time for bouncy, bitey or cat....day or night....but sometimes ....when the house was quiet, when the house was really quiet for just a few minutes, maybe a whole hour..the little cat would creep into the bedroom and jump onto the bed. The bouncey, bitey one would nose into the room, put her paws onto the bed and nestle her head on the covers. Then they would both look at me with their somber eyes and say.....what the !*#$ have you done!!

Hooray for Stay at Home Dads

The monster and I went swimming yesterday and we met a Dad playing with his little boy. We got chatting as you do and it turned out that he was now a stay at home Dad for 6 months and had been doing it for just 2 weeks. When I asked him how it was going he paused thoughtfully and replied "It's tiring isn't it...it's the constantness of it". I was so touched by the instant, open honesty from this young man. I don't know what sort of reply I was expecting - I was just making conversation at the time - but it was just such a sweet, honest thing to say and I guess it made me feel some kind of validation for some of the feelings that I have had abt this still relatively recent thing called motherhood. Some of the battles I have with myself are those feelings that you get as a mum which are not very mother earth or madonna pictures. The silent anger, the unsilent anger (at hubby usually), the boredom, the monotany, it isn't like that all day or all week, but it isn't all kisses, baking and tickles either. It is poo, mess, screams, more mess, no don't do that, I said no, more screams, people telling you what to do, people looking like they want to tell you what to do, it is living small and it is living 100% for someone else's needs. Yes that is of course what you signed up for along with the kisses, baking and tickles, but you really only thought of the kisses, baking and tickles when you were pregnant and blissfully naive.

This is a journey which it is very hard to explain or understand when you aren't the one living it every day and sometimes I feel that can cause some distance between mums and dads. I get the feeling that when my husband takes little man out for a couple of hours or watches him for a morning there is some unsaid competition between us as to who little man has the most fun with. I feel like when they return and I ask how things went - everything went great and there is a feeling of - I don't know what the problem is or why you're so tired at the end of the day. Aside from the fact that you have packed the bag, got the snacks ready, got them ready, probably told them where they are going, prepared the lunch for return and taken over reading, nap, rest of the afternoon and dinner. All so you can have 2 hours to clean the house. I feel bad if we have this discussion because my husband does work so very hard, he isn't getting any free time to have fun himself when he is home - he is either doing necessary work on the house or playing with offspring. Yet I do feel that he does get validation for his work - customers love him, he gets paid, he is achieving goals - he just seems so much more satisfied than I sometimes get from being a stay at home mum. I guess what I am trying to say is I know that it looks like we are off swimming, drinking coffee and writing blogs, but it was nice to hear a guy acknowledge that actually it can be very hard work!

Learning to talk..again!

I am a little frightened to think that my little boy could soon learn to talk. I am fine with the standard duck, up, doggie, mum, but at the moment my son will talk in rather agitated sentences and I have a sneaking suspicion that I am only being saved by the fact that he is, for the time being, quite incoherent. For example , when he hurts himself, or is frustrated by the topical item of the day that he is trying to destroy, I swear I can hear him exclaim "God Damn"! Now I know what you are thinking - but that is not an expression that either my husband or I would typically use (ours are far worse). My theory is that my child has already been in this world. I think that before life with us, he was in fact a cantakerous old guy who is still pee'd off at the way of the land and the youth of today. There are just some things that he will do automatically without seeming to have learnt them and this would also explain his apparent unhappiness during the first year of life "No, No not again..not again!!" This manifested itself today while we were walking home from taking the dog out. Child was in his stroller and he was ranting on very loudly - any passersby thought he was being truly adorable, vocalising his nonsense, but I'm sure if they knew that he was actually saying "and what the hell are you looking at, never seen a bloody baby before..keep your eyes on the road nosey cow..I'll give you something to look at" or something to that effect ....Oh my!! What am I to do!!

For all my friends who had babies before me!!

I never knew to come round in those early days and drop off dinner
I never knew that at 5pm you didn't need to hear abt my day
I never knew that I SHOULD NOT have used the words YOU SHOULD
I never knew that you might like an offer to babysit
I never knew that asking "so what else have you been doing" was rude
I never knew that you were not calling or e-mailing simply because you were too busy
I never knew that you were working so hard - not sitting around watching daytime telly
I never knew you were sometimes lonely
I never knew to come round with a bottle of wine instead of inviting you to the pub
I never knew what a great mum you were being
I know now......

Fi this is especially for you XX

Repeat after me I must not play around with the Routine..I must not play around with the routine..

Ok so I played around with the routine of the day and am now paying for it with a cranky child who is not napping, but crying or jumping like a bean in his cot. I am driven to distraction and feeling very frustrated ..particularly because I am a very, very silly girl who thought she could play a little bit around with the routine. I absolutely hate it when there isn't a break in the day with the nap...it is amazing how angry it makes me. My nerves are still raw from what felt like a year of crying and little sleep when we were first introduced to the joys of parenthood and I jump straight back to feeling as though he will never sleep again. I guess this is why we don't play around with routine and why you will see mothers sweating profusely with a crazed look in their eye around noon, panic stricken at the thought that they may not be home in time for that lifesaving nap/quiet time. Well I should go and free the boy from his chains I guess.....is it nearly 7pm yet???

We have just got back from a little holiday. Getting away always sounds like hell to me, but once we are packed and on the move it is definitely worth it. It is so nice to be away from the mess of home and the perpetual "to dos" which we are either working on or guiltily ignoring whilst watching "So you think you can dance". We were staying at our friends house to house/dog/bird sit, but they also happen to live close to the beach and town so our wee offspring got lots of new stimulation. I always get a little nervous outside of my home comfort zones and I guess there is good reason. I often feel that going out with my little man can be akin to something out of "Marley and Me"...he is fearless and, let's face it, pretty stupid at this age which means he gets himself (and me) into all kinds of calamities. I am not any better I have to say - what hope does he have with a mother who reverses into Stop signs, drives into gas pumps and (my husband's favourite) repeatedly slams her body into a friends door assuming it was frozen shut..only to hear a polite cough on the other side and a quiet voice state"ummm it actually opens the other way". This time I managed to shoot my son like a human canon ball out the other side of what, I swear had to have been, a freshly waxed slide at a nearby playground. He literally took flight some feet at the end, as I stood looking like killer mum at the top. To make matters even better I felt the quickest way to reach my baby was the way he'd just come. As I awkwardly kneel/sat onto the top of the slide, my skirt wrapped its way up to my head and my mum pants were out on display for the whole descent! Playgrounds and my son always seem to get a little too adventurous for me. Only a month earlier I managed to witness my boy worm his way through a locked gate (Go GO Gadget) to run free into the wooded acreage on the other side. How hilarious it was for him to see me scaling the wire fence, ripping both my shorts and my arse!! I managed to catch the little bugger, hoist both of us back over the fence and quickly left the place with my head held high and my bottom in full torn view. My husband questions whether I actually ever played as a child - while he watches me struggling onto a tyre swing or such like with the hands of a completely confused novice. I'm beginning to see why I probably didn't!

Breast is Best - we get it

OK I'm going straight to the tired old conversation of breastfeeding (don't worry this blog is not going to be filled with the word "breast" I promise) ...I just have a little rant I wanted to get out of the way...the pressure to breastfeed. I think we can safely say that we all get that breastfeeding is a good thing. People who do not breastfeed I am equally sure are not bottle feeding because they adore spending all that money and want to give their child nothing but man-made food. However any mother who dares to get out a bottle now in public or admit to giving their child formula to their health nurse does so at their own peril. Nurses and other mothers will openly tusk, shake heads, forge out the leaflets and embark on lecture number 101 the "benefits of breastfeeding". I have so much empathy for new mums and would just love for there to be a voice who says whatever you do is best for you. Now was that so hard. Why are we all so judgemental of how people choose to bring up their children these days and who makes us experts on other people's choices? The only explanation I can think of for us breastfeeding mums to be so judgemental is because it is pretty fricking hard and most of us are or were very tired and bitter! Remember though you are not actually allowed to tell anyone how demanding it can be, because that might deter people from the breastfeeding ambush we seem to be on these days. My experience was it is pretty exhausting, babies feed A LOT, they do sleep less and whoever said that you lose weight quicker hasn't met my metabolism. I wouldn't change what I did and I would absolutely do it again, but it would have helped me I think to be aware of some of the realities than just hearing the "breast is best" tag line when you are stuggling with the nightly wakes (Dr Sears wife must be a complete angel!!). If you are thinking of breastfeeding - you may or may not get the hang of it, it will hurt for a while at the beginning, it saves you a fortune and is handy as hell, but you will be woken up lots during the night - you must, must sleep when you can and you get over the boobs out in public thing very quickly and no-one seemed to bat an eye. So peeps out there in institutions and on the street please, please stop the cheer in new mums faces of "breast is best" we get it!! No I don't want a public feeding calendar! Have to go nap time is over.