Hooray for Stay at Home Dads

The monster and I went swimming yesterday and we met a Dad playing with his little boy. We got chatting as you do and it turned out that he was now a stay at home Dad for 6 months and had been doing it for just 2 weeks. When I asked him how it was going he paused thoughtfully and replied "It's tiring isn't it...it's the constantness of it". I was so touched by the instant, open honesty from this young man. I don't know what sort of reply I was expecting - I was just making conversation at the time - but it was just such a sweet, honest thing to say and I guess it made me feel some kind of validation for some of the feelings that I have had abt this still relatively recent thing called motherhood. Some of the battles I have with myself are those feelings that you get as a mum which are not very mother earth or madonna pictures. The silent anger, the unsilent anger (at hubby usually), the boredom, the monotany, it isn't like that all day or all week, but it isn't all kisses, baking and tickles either. It is poo, mess, screams, more mess, no don't do that, I said no, more screams, people telling you what to do, people looking like they want to tell you what to do, it is living small and it is living 100% for someone else's needs. Yes that is of course what you signed up for along with the kisses, baking and tickles, but you really only thought of the kisses, baking and tickles when you were pregnant and blissfully naive.

This is a journey which it is very hard to explain or understand when you aren't the one living it every day and sometimes I feel that can cause some distance between mums and dads. I get the feeling that when my husband takes little man out for a couple of hours or watches him for a morning there is some unsaid competition between us as to who little man has the most fun with. I feel like when they return and I ask how things went - everything went great and there is a feeling of - I don't know what the problem is or why you're so tired at the end of the day. Aside from the fact that you have packed the bag, got the snacks ready, got them ready, probably told them where they are going, prepared the lunch for return and taken over reading, nap, rest of the afternoon and dinner. All so you can have 2 hours to clean the house. I feel bad if we have this discussion because my husband does work so very hard, he isn't getting any free time to have fun himself when he is home - he is either doing necessary work on the house or playing with offspring. Yet I do feel that he does get validation for his work - customers love him, he gets paid, he is achieving goals - he just seems so much more satisfied than I sometimes get from being a stay at home mum. I guess what I am trying to say is I know that it looks like we are off swimming, drinking coffee and writing blogs, but it was nice to hear a guy acknowledge that actually it can be very hard work!