Learning to talk..again!

I am a little frightened to think that my little boy could soon learn to talk. I am fine with the standard duck, up, doggie, mum, but at the moment my son will talk in rather agitated sentences and I have a sneaking suspicion that I am only being saved by the fact that he is, for the time being, quite incoherent. For example , when he hurts himself, or is frustrated by the topical item of the day that he is trying to destroy, I swear I can hear him exclaim "God Damn"! Now I know what you are thinking - but that is not an expression that either my husband or I would typically use (ours are far worse). My theory is that my child has already been in this world. I think that before life with us, he was in fact a cantakerous old guy who is still pee'd off at the way of the land and the youth of today. There are just some things that he will do automatically without seeming to have learnt them and this would also explain his apparent unhappiness during the first year of life "No, No not again..not again!!" This manifested itself today while we were walking home from taking the dog out. Child was in his stroller and he was ranting on very loudly - any passersby thought he was being truly adorable, vocalising his nonsense, but I'm sure if they knew that he was actually saying "and what the hell are you looking at, never seen a bloody baby before..keep your eyes on the road nosey cow..I'll give you something to look at" or something to that effect ....Oh my!! What am I to do!!

For all my friends who had babies before me!!

I never knew to come round in those early days and drop off dinner
I never knew that at 5pm you didn't need to hear abt my day
I never knew that I SHOULD NOT have used the words YOU SHOULD
I never knew that you might like an offer to babysit
I never knew that asking "so what else have you been doing" was rude
I never knew that you were not calling or e-mailing simply because you were too busy
I never knew that you were working so hard - not sitting around watching daytime telly
I never knew you were sometimes lonely
I never knew to come round with a bottle of wine instead of inviting you to the pub
I never knew what a great mum you were being
I know now......

Fi this is especially for you XX

Repeat after me I must not play around with the Routine..I must not play around with the routine..

Ok so I played around with the routine of the day and am now paying for it with a cranky child who is not napping, but crying or jumping like a bean in his cot. I am driven to distraction and feeling very frustrated ..particularly because I am a very, very silly girl who thought she could play a little bit around with the routine. I absolutely hate it when there isn't a break in the day with the nap...it is amazing how angry it makes me. My nerves are still raw from what felt like a year of crying and little sleep when we were first introduced to the joys of parenthood and I jump straight back to feeling as though he will never sleep again. I guess this is why we don't play around with routine and why you will see mothers sweating profusely with a crazed look in their eye around noon, panic stricken at the thought that they may not be home in time for that lifesaving nap/quiet time. Well I should go and free the boy from his chains I guess.....is it nearly 7pm yet???

We have just got back from a little holiday. Getting away always sounds like hell to me, but once we are packed and on the move it is definitely worth it. It is so nice to be away from the mess of home and the perpetual "to dos" which we are either working on or guiltily ignoring whilst watching "So you think you can dance". We were staying at our friends house to house/dog/bird sit, but they also happen to live close to the beach and town so our wee offspring got lots of new stimulation. I always get a little nervous outside of my home comfort zones and I guess there is good reason. I often feel that going out with my little man can be akin to something out of "Marley and Me"...he is fearless and, let's face it, pretty stupid at this age which means he gets himself (and me) into all kinds of calamities. I am not any better I have to say - what hope does he have with a mother who reverses into Stop signs, drives into gas pumps and (my husband's favourite) repeatedly slams her body into a friends door assuming it was frozen shut..only to hear a polite cough on the other side and a quiet voice state"ummm it actually opens the other way". This time I managed to shoot my son like a human canon ball out the other side of what, I swear had to have been, a freshly waxed slide at a nearby playground. He literally took flight some feet at the end, as I stood looking like killer mum at the top. To make matters even better I felt the quickest way to reach my baby was the way he'd just come. As I awkwardly kneel/sat onto the top of the slide, my skirt wrapped its way up to my head and my mum pants were out on display for the whole descent! Playgrounds and my son always seem to get a little too adventurous for me. Only a month earlier I managed to witness my boy worm his way through a locked gate (Go GO Gadget) to run free into the wooded acreage on the other side. How hilarious it was for him to see me scaling the wire fence, ripping both my shorts and my arse!! I managed to catch the little bugger, hoist both of us back over the fence and quickly left the place with my head held high and my bottom in full torn view. My husband questions whether I actually ever played as a child - while he watches me struggling onto a tyre swing or such like with the hands of a completely confused novice. I'm beginning to see why I probably didn't!

Breast is Best - we get it

OK I'm going straight to the tired old conversation of breastfeeding (don't worry this blog is not going to be filled with the word "breast" I promise) ...I just have a little rant I wanted to get out of the way...the pressure to breastfeed. I think we can safely say that we all get that breastfeeding is a good thing. People who do not breastfeed I am equally sure are not bottle feeding because they adore spending all that money and want to give their child nothing but man-made food. However any mother who dares to get out a bottle now in public or admit to giving their child formula to their health nurse does so at their own peril. Nurses and other mothers will openly tusk, shake heads, forge out the leaflets and embark on lecture number 101 the "benefits of breastfeeding". I have so much empathy for new mums and would just love for there to be a voice who says whatever you do is best for you. Now was that so hard. Why are we all so judgemental of how people choose to bring up their children these days and who makes us experts on other people's choices? The only explanation I can think of for us breastfeeding mums to be so judgemental is because it is pretty fricking hard and most of us are or were very tired and bitter! Remember though you are not actually allowed to tell anyone how demanding it can be, because that might deter people from the breastfeeding ambush we seem to be on these days. My experience was it is pretty exhausting, babies feed A LOT, they do sleep less and whoever said that you lose weight quicker hasn't met my metabolism. I wouldn't change what I did and I would absolutely do it again, but it would have helped me I think to be aware of some of the realities than just hearing the "breast is best" tag line when you are stuggling with the nightly wakes (Dr Sears wife must be a complete angel!!). If you are thinking of breastfeeding - you may or may not get the hang of it, it will hurt for a while at the beginning, it saves you a fortune and is handy as hell, but you will be woken up lots during the night - you must, must sleep when you can and you get over the boobs out in public thing very quickly and no-one seemed to bat an eye. So peeps out there in institutions and on the street please, please stop the cheer in new mums faces of "breast is best" we get it!! No I don't want a public feeding calendar! Have to go nap time is over.